*hands over a package wrapped in a bright shiny blue paper with IruKaka chibi’s on it*
My sweet nee-chan aka Pixe-rings please forgive me for being such a bitch and not knowing it is your birthday. Please be happy and please, oh please forgive me. Ya knows I luves you!



I don’t get it.

I don’t get it, I really don’t.

I don’t understand how you can love me, how you can hold me in such a dear place called your heart.
I’m weak, fragile, just a tiny creature in this big, dangerous world. I’m a failure.
And you are so strong and brave, you’re my opposite.

I really don’t get it.

How can you love someone like me? Me who can’t hide his feelings like a worthfully shinobi should be able to do. And I cry, a ninja doesn’t cry. I cry and tremble and scream when you leave me. Every time.

The moment  you say you have a mission – even if it’s just a one-day mission or an innocent D-ranked mission – I’m struggling to keep away the tears threatening to spill from my eyes and to run down my face.
And you know, oh yes I know you know. Because every time you look at me with that smile, that thing on your face saying that you don’t want to see me sad –  you hate that, I know that too – and you take me in your arms and whisper soothing and endearing words, saying that I shouldn’t worry.

But how can you tell me not to worry when every mission you go on can be your last one? I feel my chest clench at the thought of you leaving me forever. I’m scared – another reason why I shouldn’t be allowed to be a part of the shinobi community – that one day you’ll never return. Ever.
We live a dangerous life, love and you never know which one will be our last day together.  

How can you love me when you know that maybe one day will be separated forever? I really don’t get that.

I still don’t get it. How can you do this? Treating me like I’m your most precious possession and care so much about me.

My body is trembling. And I’m trying to stop it, tears will be leaking down my face any second but I don’t want them to.
So weak, I’m so weak…

My eyes fly open and they stare into one open and one half-closed eye. I feel wetness on my cheeks and suddenly feel jealously filling me up. You never cry.

Oh I know you’ve had your share but since we’ve been together I’ve never seen you cry. Like everything was good and okay from the moment I confessed my love to you.

A drop of wet hits my left cheek, right on the scar crossing from the one cheek, over my nose to the other one.
Am I still crying? But then I realise the drop came from above, from you. I open my eyes – seemed I had closed them – and stare into one grey eye filled with worry… And water.

Realisation hits my chest like a hard rock being thrown at me with incredible power, suffocating me. I quickly wrap my arms around –scared that you will leave if I don’t – and draw you in, letting our mouths meet in a sweet yet hard kiss. Another drop of wet hits my cheek. And another one but then on my other cheek.
I think I get it…

You love me because we’re each others opposite, because I can what you believe you can’t. You’re still haunted by your past, feeling like you don’t deserve to cry, to laugh and smile like humans do. I know you think of yourself as some monster, a cruel beast only existing to kill, but I also know that’s not true.

You love me because I’m the only one who truly understands you.
I fill you up and you fill me up, in every existing way.

There are those days we’re not sure or we really belong together, we yell and scream and cry. But we also laugh and smile and enjoy life together. And not to forget we also have the more… passion moments which we both crave for.

I lose my arms around your head, gasping when my longs get filled with air again. You’re single eye shows me the one emotion that makes my heart ache. You’re scared.
Scared that I’m regretting us, that I’m going to leave and never return, be happy without you.

Guilt hits my chest because I know that feeling is my fault, I’ve been withdrawing myself from you these days and I don’t even understand why myself. I’ve been doubting yo- us. I’m such a fool.  

I look up to see a smile, a knowing, an understanding smile form on that beautiful face of yours.  And that heartbreaking emotion in your eye is gone together with that painful grip on my heart.

Your finger traces the scar across my face like you’re admiring a beautiful statue which should never have been scarred. I know it’s something that relaxes you, to touch and to feel.

You settle your head on my chest, a leg protectively over mine and my hand wrapped in those silvers strings of hair.
Insecurity chased away, we fall back into a deep sleep, comforted by the warmth radiating of each other.

I get it now.